Things That Happened Plus Thoughts!

Yes, these are things that have happened. And most of them are really stupid. I think some of these may also be my thoughts. I'll let you figure out which is which. Enjoy.

• During an episode of G.I. Joe, four Joes shot down six of Cobra's Rattler attack jets using only small arms while sailing down a river in Alaska on a 100-year old wooden ship. No one was hurt.
• PETA is boycotting Battlefield 3 because during one of the single-player campaign levels, you stab a rat that is gnawing on your fingers.
• There was a Captain Planet episode devoted to AIDS.
• Marketing people tried to give the Geico Caveman his own TV series.
• During a different episode of G.I. Joe, Roadblock busted down a metal door using a loaded bazooka as a battering ram. No one was hurt.
• Steven Seagal once used an empty 2-liter pop bottle as a silencer.
• There is a movie called Vampires vs. Zombies that features no Vampires fighting Zombies.
• Koopa Troopa shells slide forever, showing that the secret to perpetual motion lies on the underside of a turtle shell. Get to it people!
• PETA has spoken out against Mario's new Super Mario Land 3D game, where Mario can wear a Tanooki Suit, much like in Super Mario Bros. 3. They say that he is promoting the wearing of fur, and that it will make children think it is okay to wear fur.
• The divine comedy, Dante's Inferno, was turned into a video game in 2010. It involved you fighting your way though hell to get your wife's soul back. You also could get an achievement if you killed some unbaptized infants. This is all very much like the original poem. In which a man was led through hell so he could see sin for what it truly was and become a better person. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
• Gun 'n Roses front man Axl Rose bit a security guard at a hotel in 2006. Nothing to elaborate on there, I don't think anything any member of Gun 'n Roses does will really surprise us any more. Except maybe getting sober.
• During yet another episode of G.I. Joe, Cutter attempts to disarm a deatomizing missile near a busy carnival by shooting at it, WHICH CAUSES IT TO EXPLODE. We never really get resolution to this, so I presume that thousands died.

Bah. That list was a waste of your time. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm saving all the time that you're wasting for something big.

Or whatever.

-Justin

IMO: Episode 01 - Batman: Arkham City

This is it! My first review-esque episode! Welcome to IMO, in which I give my opinion on various newer release movies, games, and whatever else feels appropriate. This week, we're looking at Batman: Arkham City!

Fun Things to Do...

...on a train trip.

• Set up a chess board in the dining area and play both sides. Make sure to actually switch which side you're sitting on when playing. Then, after winning, shake your own hand and compliment yourself.
• Get a private car and build a fort out of cushions and pillows. When the waiter comes in to ask if you need anything, demand they give you the password.
• Stand outside a passanger car and stare out their window from outside. If someone asks what you're doing, say "looking outside." Then walk away.
• Tell the people around you that you have an awesome video to show them on your iPod. When they go to look, play the music video of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up". Repeat this process for everyone on the train
• Wear Jedi robes and carry a toy lightsaber with you for the entire ride. Spend a majority of the time wandering around. Respond to everything with "I'll never turn to the dark side!" while waving your lightsaber in front of you. If you don't have one of the fancy lightsabers that make the noises, make the noises yourself.
• When you're alone in the car, empty a bottle of ketchup on the ground and lay down in it. When people see you and panic, explain calmly that this is how you always sleep, and that they should keep it down.
• Constantly ask the waiters to ask the conductor if you're there yet.
• Ask everyone for their autograph. Claim to be a big fan of their work.
• Loudly proclaim that you are plotting world domination and you are not to be disturbed. Then sit down and start reading "Who Moved My Cheese?". If disturbed, laugh maniacally.
•  Wear a pair of sunglasses with googly eyes on the lenses. Constantly make the "I see you" motion at people.
• Before departure, ask the people around you if they know when "lift-off" is.
• Buy an Atari Lynx and spend the entire time boasting about the great features of the system. This should take around 40 seconds. Spend the remainder of the trip afterwards lamenting your horrible decision.
• Start asking people if they've seen your pet snake around.
• Pretend to sleep, but wake up every 10 minutes shouting a random combination of the words "pointy", "scrotum", "nose", "airplane", "seconds", "ball", "crown", "Massachusetts", and "welded".
• Claim to be the Nigerian prince they has been sending all those emails. Act depressed that you never got to give your money away and instead had to burn it all.
• After the trip, loudly proclaim, "Pfft. The train in Back to the Future Part III was WAY cooler than this one."

Safe travels, everyone!

-Justin